Dazed and Confused

30 day Work out Attempt

2011-07-16T11:30:00.000-07:00

6 - pack abs. FAIL.

Basketball Training. FAIL.

100 pushups a day. FAIL.

Lofty dreams and expectations 6 months ahead of time has not worked for me. I've been able to sustain 2-3 month bursts of training programs. I will be doing 2 things:

1. Lower expectations - to not get discouraged early

2. short programs - to meet goals and gain momentum

Program Length: 28 days

Rest days: 4

Program Start day: July 17, 2011

Program End day: August 12, 2011

Starting Weight: ( as of July 16, 11:36 AM ): 204 lbs ( with shorts and jersey on )

Target Weight: 196 lbs

Week Training Plan:

Sunday: Gym

Monday: Swim

Tuesday: Basketball

Wednesday: Gym

Thursday: Swim and Basketball

Friday: Swim or Gym

Saturday: Swim or Gym

at home: push ups/pull ups/ situps daily

Will Update Daily

Dreams and Potential

2008-06-18T16:34:00.000-07:00

I'm a big dreamer. HUGE. I probably spend an hour each day... daydreaming. But I suck at turning my dreams into reality. I realize that usually I have so much potential, but absolutely 0 follow through. I keep thinking of those Kung Fu movies where the good guy always has great potential, and it seems so easy for him to become great. All he has to do is wax a few cars, paint a few fences and BAM! he's can take on the whole Cobra Kai.

Its not nearly as true in real life. Hard Work is so much more important. How many times have i said "If i worked at it, I'm sure I could have done the same thing ____________ did." Well I didn't do the work so I'll never know if i could have done it (except in the fantasy world that is my mind). Now I'm 30 and all those great things I could have done have passed me by. But its ok, it's not too late.... there are still a lot of great things for me to achieve.

But to do that, I need a change in my life. And this change is not an instant lottery ticket, KBLAM I'm a millionaire kind of change. It's I work work work and become better little by little change.

To symbolize this change in me. I will attempt the unthinkable. I will, in my final 10 weeks here in Sunny California, turn my flabby ass stomach into a six pack. These 10 weeks will signify my resolve, if I am ever meant for anything great it will start with this. Something as simple as waking up everyday early in the morning and putting my time in the gym. If i can't do this relatively easy( in the grand scheme of life, but by itself extremely hard ) task, why should I even hope to do something great?

TODAYS DATE: WEDNESDAY JUNE 18.
TODAY's: weight 191 lbs.
TODAYS ABS: Charles Barkley

Internet Video Finds

2008-06-15T16:13:00.000-07:00

As my roommate left today for San Francisco with his friends. I took the liberty of playing Guitar Hero 3 on his Wii. Personally I like rock band better because it has more of the songs that I actually know and like. ( shoutout to Still Alive by GLADOS ) Fortunately there were still a few songs that i knew and liked. one of them was CLIFFS of DOVER, which I rememeber was introduced to me in high school by one of my weird (but cool) friends Frenchy.

Anyway, needless to say i sucked at it. I tried to improve by looking for people in youtube that could do it well. Although i did find a 100% expert in guitar hero, I found a video that was even more amazing. For those of you who like cliffs of dover or like covers.... check this out.... and as a special thanks to my friend Angie I'll post another good cover. It a cover of Apologize by Onerepublic....

And the other video

On love.

2008-05-14T00:09:00.001-07:00

A good friend of mine told me his theory about love. He said, Love is a choice, you either choose to love someone or not. Simple. He gave an example of a mother’s child. A mother loves her child no matter what. And it’s not because they have a connection or the child is the best child for the mother, rather she just chooses to love that person. Simple. Makes sense. Choose to love, and marriages will probably last forever, and people will live nicer less complicated lives. Choose who you love. Simple. Makes Sense. Sad.
I have to disagree with my friend. Love is not a choice. It hits you like a wrecking ball, smashes into you like a runaway freight train. You can’t choose who love. It comes to you and there’s nothing you can do about it. I can’t explain it, nor do I want to. I believe love is something magical, something God put out in the world to make us ultimately happy. Like any good thing, love is subject to temptation and jealousy and envy. It is our job to navigate through these problems to find the truth and be happy.

Calvin and Hobbes

2008-03-29T07:36:00.000-07:00

I used to be a big comic book geek. I used to collect Spider-man, X-men, Batman, Spawn, Pitt. But I outgrew all these comic books, so long ago in fact that most of my comic books can be found in the magazine rack in my bathroom.

But one comic has stood the test of time. In fact, to be more precise its a comic strip. But, it's not simply a comic strip to me. To me it's more of a life guide disguised creatively as a funny, lighthearted comic strip. This blog entry is a tribute to the comic that has helped me think about my life, comforted me when I'm bored and kept me busy when i was sitting on the proverbial throne.

Thank you, my all-time favorite comicbook. CALVIN AND HOBBES.

let me list down a few of my reasons why I love Calvin and Hobbes:

1. Sprinkled within each volume of comic strips are insights and quotes that hits the spot for whatever point in life you're in. Here's one that I love at the moment.

“We're so busy watching out for what's just ahead of us that we don't take time to enjoy where we are.”

2. Calvin Reminds me of me. Boy genuis ( this is my blog! ), doesn't do well in school, has the attention span of a 6 year old, nice inside but evil outside.

3. They're so cute.

4. His dad, who I now realize is just as crazy as Calvin.

5. His friendship with Hobbes. having a little boy love something so much ( and vice versa ) just makes me feel better.

CALVIN and HOBBES I hope you never grow up.

My Secret Weapon

2008-03-20T22:11:00.000-07:00

This is an old blog post i had.

"We always think of miracles as magical, incredible acts. Water to wine, walking on water, raising the dead. But sometimes they can be as mundane as getting an internship. I just had an interview for apple today, one of my top choices in a company. My interview was horrible, I need a miracle to get in. If I do get it this will be as amazing as if someone had just walked on water.

The results will be out by the end of the week. I think I'll start praying now."

This was dated February 27, 2008. It is now March 21, 2008 3 weeks have passed. Apple just offered me an internship. It was a crazy almost miracle like series of events. I had already received an offer from another company ( that I did not like as much as I did apple ) But i felt a hand was guiding me and I asked for an extension. They only gave me 2 extra days. I was supposed to accept their offer in the afternoon of March 20 ( thank goodness i'm a procrastinator ). But then apple called me, gave me an interview, offered me a position.... all in one day. A freaking miracle.

And you know how this happened? through the prayers of my family and my love. and through this prayer which i have on my desktop named "secret weapon"

NOVENA TO ST. JUDE
O Holy St. Jude, Apostle and Martyr, great in virtue and rich in miracles, near kinsman of Jesus Christ, faithful intercessor of all who invoke your special patronage in time of need, to you I have recourse from the depth of my heart and humbly beg to whom God has given such great power to come to my assistance. Help me in my present and urgent petition. In return, I will make your name known and cause you to be invoked.
Say three Our Fathers, three Hail Mary's and Glories.
Publication must be promised. St. Jude, pray for us and all who invoke your aid. Amen.
This Novena has never been known to fail. This Novena must be said for 9 consecutive days.

try it. believe. then tell God to give you the strength to accept what he has planned for you. Someone really special told me that.

On trying new things

2008-03-19T21:02:00.000-07:00

I was taking a shower in my cousins house when an idea struck me. This was not unusual as “the shower” is the place where I get most of my ideas ( one of these ideas was the waterproof marker and mirror, which would allow you to write down the ideas you had during your shower right there in your shower ). Anyway, I am getting off the point. The idea that I had was that a person must always try to do new things even if it means he will be ridiculed for it. Why? It’s a simple case of math. Trying new things will NOT get you in so much trouble, maybe your pride will be hit, or you’ll lose some money, or something. But it won’t change your life, failure RARELY changes your life (unless it’s a series of failures that makes you stronger and better, but again this is off my point). But if you succeed, things can be life changing not only for you but for the rest of the world.
Here’s a commercial that a very special person showed me and describes exactly how I felt while I was taking that shower…

People I can't stand

2008-03-18T20:28:00.000-07:00

I like people. I like to meet people and to interact with them. I love to hear different thoughts and ideas. I am not turned off by people who think differently. But there are some types of people or facets of peoples personalities that I simply don't like. I've categorized some "personality defects" that i really hate.

The Gossip Girl- I know a lot of people like this series but this isn't what I'm talking about. I'm talking about the people who like to exaggerate stories (even lie), not to simply be able to give out a good story but to put down a person. usually, these people think very highly of themselves, they think that they have superior moral fibre. But they get their kicks by thinking badly about someone else. These people make even the simplest, most innocent acts seem vile and malevolent.

The Modestly Arrogant- I always say these people are those that lack social interaction. Or are very insecure about themselves, because they cannot reveal their desires or opinions well enough through humor and normal interaction. Combined with this social awkwardness is an abundance of self loving or narcissism. So usually these people will try to be subtle about showing off. I hate that!

THE HATER - having posted this i am part of this group or sense of thinking. of hating. thats the worst, hate festers in your head and makes you hate some more and soon you become that irritating thing that you hate the most.

I uess what im saying is that the best thing to do is to forgive and find the good things abour everyone, lest we risk being that which we hate the most. oddly that line reminds me of starwars.

Miracles

2008-02-27T13:55:00.000-08:00

We always think of miracles as magical, incredible acts. Water to wine, walking on water, raising the dead. But sometimes they can be as mundane as getting an internship. I just had an interview for apple today, one of my top choices in a company. My interview was horrible, I need a miracle to get in. If I do get it this will be as amazing as if someone had just walked on water.

The results will be out by the end of the week. I think I'll start praying now.

Keep On Trucking

2008-02-25T07:30:00.000-08:00

Ahhh life. Sometimes you have a bad run in life and you think that you've hit rock bottom. But somtimes life still finds a way to knock you down a little more. That's whats happened to me the past few weeks.
I've been sad and homesick because I've been away from home for 7 months and I miss my family, my girlfriend and my dog. Also, I haven't been able to find an internship and its almost spring break. So instead of having fun and chilling out during spring break, I'll probably be looking for internships and stressing out! Also, I've been struggling with my schoolwork, and with finals coming up, and I predict a total bloodbath.
If that was not enough, I just recieved mail from an insurance company charging me for 12500 dollars! YES US DOLLARS! Just because I went on vacation and my pipes froze up! JEEZ!
So how am I handling this? normally I would be totally freaking out! I would be unable to sleep, eat, drink and breath. But after waves and waves of hard and stressful situations, I realize that I should and must not break.
There is a line from singles which i found very funny but at the same time made a lot of sense: "what does not break me can only make me stronger". So I wont break, I'll keep on going, keep perservering, I'll keep on trucking.
When things do turn around, when I finally get an internship, when i finally rock my finals, and when all this insurace crap goes away, I'll know that I will enjoy and appreciate this moment a lot more, because I had such a hard time getting there.
And for me, thats what life is all about.

Reaction Time

2008-02-19T13:24:00.001-08:00

Something very strange happened today. As I was working on my desk preparing for a few life changing interviews, i suddenly heard someone screaming help from the street. I looked down from my studio and saw an old lady lying down on the street. She apparently slipped and fell face first into the street.

The thoughts and feelings that raced through me were both unexpected and honestly quite humorous. First I thought about the old lady with dementia who lived next door, and she probably was that same person and that she probably didn't actually need any help. Then I thought about what i was wearing and how stupid i would look going down in my underwear and inside out gap shirt ( i was trying to save on laundry ). Then i thought about my meeting at 6pm ( it was 4pm when that happened ) and if i had to drive her to the hospital that I won't be able to do my work.

This took all of 5 minutes and by that time someone had already seen and helped her.
I felt really guilty that it took me a while to actually go down there and help person, an old lady no less. So i took my time and got dressed warmly and went down anyway to help out. I guess I did what any normal person would do. thats very scary for me, because i dont want to be a normal person i want to be different, i want to be a hero.

I wish I had done things diffently though, I wish that I had put on the nearest pair of jeans and gone down as quickly as possible without thinking and just helped out. Thats what a true hero would have done. It feels terrible that my reaction time is so slow when I have to help people out, i always think about so many thing before I do. But when I have to help myself out the reaction time is almost nil ( this is another story where i fell asleep and hit a car on my way home and instinctively turned off my lights )

This event made me realize something today. I am happy with who i am right now, but i still want to become a better person in the future.

PS. add this to list of attributes that i want to have:

be inspiring
be courageous
be selfless

Analyze Paralyze

2008-02-13T13:26:00.000-08:00

Part of growing up loving TV shows and Movies is the fact that you believe that you are living a life that is like a movie. That everything will fall into place and that everything will be perfect.

I think in a sense I believe that, and thats why I'm afraid to do some things because im frightened that the results won't be as amazing as the movies. This is when Analysis Paralysis happens. You overanalyze things and you end up doing nothing instead.

I realize that I'm not Tom Cruise, I won't have someone ask me if "I CAN HANDLE THE TRUTH" or to "SHOW ME THE MONEY!". Events will most likely not happen the way they do in movies, but you know what? most of the time the results of your actions will end up being better than the movies, because these events are REAL.

Thats my advice to everyone including myslef. Dont think too much about the outcome of your actions just try to be in the moment. AYT?

Dazed and Confused

2008-02-09T08:43:00.000-08:00

I hope this blog helps me define who i am. If it helps, entertains, touch, inspire, disgust other people on the way we'll just call that a bonus.

I, like most people at the age of 30 ( of course few will admit it ) still don't know who I am. It took me 45 minutes to think of a domain name for this blog. I was trying to think of something that defined my uniqueness, something that was deep, something in popular culture that people would understand. After trying out DazedandConfused, HoldenCaufield, AllieCaufield, SpamandEggs without success, I realize how un-unique I really am. ( My girlfirend finally gave me the idea to use Forsythe Jones. My love for burgers, laziness and slim body frame fit quite well. Basically I didn't choose my own URL. )

I'm starting to realize that I'm very defined with the circle of people I'm with but not with the whole world. Right now that's good enough for me.